I must admit that the question about whether or not Christians are allowed to divorce and the confusion amongst Christians, within churches, and within denominations puzzles me because Jesus and Paul are so clear on the answer. It seems to me that many churches have followed popular culture in approving divorce for a myriad of reasons, including so-called ‘no fault divorce,’ which was introduced in Australia in 1976 and in America in 1969. Christians, however, should seek what Scripture has to say on the issues and prioritize it over culture.
Christian men and women are not allowed to divorce. There are two exceptions, however. First, Jesus permits men to divorce their wives if their wives are guilty of sexual immorality. Second, Paul permits Christian men and women to divorce if the unbeliever desires and initiates divorce.
Since the question about divorce regards Christians, I will only treat those passages that refer to how Christians should behave; that is, those who are disciples of Jesus, under the New Covenant, members of the church, and citizens of the kingdom of heaven/God. As such, I will not treat the popular Ezra 9–10 or Malachi 2:13–16 since these passages concern those under the Old Covenant. For my treatment of Ezra 9–10, see my article “Should Christians Divorce if They Remarried for Unbiblical Reasons?”
What Jesus Teaches about Divorce
Divorce Should Never Happen (Matt 19:1–12; cf. Mark 10:1–12)
The Pharisees, who are testing Jesus, ask Jesus the very question that we want answered: “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” (Matt 19:3). Western culture has answered “yes” to the Pharisees’ question through their legalization of no-fault divorce. However, Jesus gives a different answer:
“Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate”
MATTHEW 19:4–6
Jesus’ response is crystal clear. It is not lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause. In fact, Jesus’ response is so strict that he claims divorce should never happen, ever: “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matt 19:6). The word “man” is not the gendered word for a male, but ἄνθρωπος, which is better translated “person”: “let not a person separate.”
The Pharisees, however, do not relent and follow up Jesus’ response with a logical question: “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” (Matt 19:7; see Deut 24:1–4).
Jesus’ response is again crystal clear: “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so” (Matt 19:8). Jesus has here made an important point that should not be missed. God’s intention from the beginning of creation was for a married couple to remain married until death; God never intended married couples to get divorced.
Moses allowed divorce because of the hardness of men’s hearts. However, because Christians believe in Jesus, we have been given a new heart (Ezek 36:24–32; John 3:5–8). Thus, Christians should not divorce because we have a new heart and because it is God’s intention that Christians remain married until death. For those who love and worship God, this should be enough for you to remain married.
Jesus concludes his teaching on divorce in Matthew 19 by stating the consequences of divorce and remarriage—it results in adultery:
“And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery”
MATTHEW 19:9
We will treat Matthew 19:9 in more detail below. For now, it should be noted that there are dire consequences for divorce.
You may be thinking to yourself, this is a hard saying. Is Jesus really saying that no married couple should get divorced? That I am ‘stuck’ with my spouse forever? Well, you are not alone in this thinking. Jesus’ own disciples also found Jesus’ teaching about divorce difficult: “The disciples said to him, ‘If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry’” (Matt 19:10).
Jesus’ response to his disciples affirms that they have understood him and the implications of what he said correctly. Jesus first says: “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given” (Matt 19:11). What Jesus has done is affirm the disciples’ understanding and interpretation of what Jesus said, that a married couple must remain married and not divorce for any reason (with the exception of sexual immorality). Jesus has also affirmed the disciples’ stated implication that it is better not to marry if one does not think he/she can fulfil the demands of marriage by remaining married until death.
Jesus concludes his teaching about divorce in Matthew 19 by explaining what he means in verse 11 when he says, “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given.” Note Jesus’ next words: “For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it” (Matt 19:12).
Jesus’ comments about eunuchs and the kingdom of heaven (equivalent to the kingdom of God) are certainly confusing at first glance and seem almost out of place. However, Jesus is referencing a principle to press home his point that a person must be ready and willing to do what is necessary for the kingdom of heaven. Like eunuchs from birth or those who were made eunuchs, some are called to remain single and celibate throughout their lives. However, like the person who castrates himself (removes his testicles) so that he does not commit sexual immorality and may live as a faithful member of the kingdom of heaven, so also Jesus’ disciples must be willing to do what is necessary in order to live as faithful citizens of the kingdom of heaven. In context, this means not divorcing if you are married or not marrying if you don’t think you can remain married to the one person. In short, Jesus is telling his disciples to do what is necessary to live as faithful citizens of the kingdom of heaven, which belief in Jesus causes you to enter.
In Matthew 19:1–12 and its parallel in Mark 10:1–12, Jesus clearly states that God never intended a married couple to divorce and that a married couple should never divorce. He offers one exception that will be explored below. Further, Jesus affirms his disciples’ implications of what He is saying; not every person should marry because not every person will be able to remain married to the one person for life. Jesus’ overarching principle is to do what is necessary for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Thus, if you are married, remain married. If you are single, weigh the cost of marriage and whether you can honour it for your entire life or not. Then, either marry and stay married or don’t marry and stay single and celibate.
Divorce is Permitted on the Ground of Sexual Immorality (Matt 5:31–32; 19:9; Mark 10:10–12; Luke 16:18)
There are four sayings of Jesus that cover the topic of divorce (Matt 5:31–32; 19:9; Mark 10:10–12; Luke 16:18). It should be noted that these four texts do not contradict each other. Each Gospel writer has focused on a particular aspect of what Jesus was saying about divorce. It is quite likely that Jesus spoke about divorce (and remarriage) on more than one occasion as evidenced in the two sayings on the topic in Matthew (5:32 and 19:9) and the two locations that Jesus talks about it in Mark ([a] speaking openly with the Pharisees [10:2–9] and [b] speaking privately with the disciples [10:10–12]). Plus, the setting is slightly different in each Gospel, again, suggesting that Jesus spoke about divorce and remarriage multiple times. This is important because it gives a plausible reason for the differences in each account. We will only focus on divorce in this article. See my article on remarriage for what Jesus says about that issue. Let’s now look at each account and then summarize what Jesus says.
Matthew 5:31–32
In Jesus’ address to his disciples in what is commonly known as the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus tells his disciples how members of the kingdom of heaven are to live their lives. During this sermon, Jesus says the following about divorce:
“It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery”
MATTHEW 5:31–32, emphasis added
Jesus is clear that the only exception to his “no divorce” rule is sexual immorality. A man is only permitted to divorce his wife if she commits sexual immorality. If a man divorces his wife for any reason other than sexual immorality, he causes her to commit adultery. Thus, the husband who divorces his wife for any reason other than sexual immorality causes her to sin. It should be noted that this passage only speaks about men divorcing their wives, not women divorcing their husbands.
Matthew 19:9
The immediate context of Matthew 19:9 has been discussed above. Jesus has just claimed that married couples should never divorce, but now gives an exception: “And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery” (Matt 19:9, emphasis added).
Like Matthew 5:32, Jesus is clear that the only exception to his “no divorce” rule is sexual immorality. A man is only permitted to divorce his wife if she commits sexual immorality. There is no mention in Matthew 19:9 about the husband causing his wife to commit adultery through an unlawful divorce. For an explanation of Jesus’ comments on remarriage, see my article on remarriage.
Mark 10:10–12 and Luke 16:18
Both Mark 10:10–12 and Luke 16:18 mention divorce and remarriage, but offer no exception clauses. They simply say a person should not divorce his/her spouse.
- “And he [Jesus] said to them, ‘Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery’” (Mark 10:11–12).
- “Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery” (Luke 16:18).
Mark 10:11–12 also mentions women divorcing their husbands, which both demonstrates that women were able to divorce in the first century and that Jesus also prohibits women divorcing their husbands. Other than barring both men and women from divorcing their spouses, Jesus does not offer any exception to his comments on divorce in the Gospels of Mark and Luke.
Summary
According to Jesus, God never intended a married couple to divorce and claims that married couples should never divorce (Matt 19:3–8; Mark 10:6–9). Jesus offers one exception, however. A married man may divorce his wife if she has committed sexual immorality (Matt 5:32; 19:9). Jesus also gives a dire warning to any man who divorces his wife for reasons other than sexual immorality; he causes her to commit adultery (Matt 5:32).
What Paul Teaches about Divorce (1 Cor 7:10–27)
The only place that Paul speaks explicitly about divorce for Christians is 1 Corinthians 7, which is a chapter dedicated to responding to the Corinthians’ questions about relationships. Paul affirms what Jesus said in the Gospels and expands upon them, addressing both men and women. We can treat Paul’s instructions on divorce in three categories: instructions for wives, instructions for husbands, and instructions for wives and husbands.
Paul’s Instructions for Wives
Paul begins his instructions for married couples in 1 Corinthians 7:10 and ensures that his readers know that his instructions come from Jesus: “To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord).” Paul’s first instructions are to wives and are listed below:
- “the wife should not separate from her husband” (1 Cor 7:10).
- “If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him” (1 Cor 7:13).
In the above passages, Paul clearly states that Christian women should not divorce their husbands. Paul goes so far as to say that a Christian woman is not allowed to divorce her husband if he is an unbeliever and consents to live with her (see below for unbelievers who do not consent to live with the believer). Paul does not give any exception clause like Jesus does. The term “separate” (χωρίζω) in 1 Corinthians 7:10 can refer to divorce and does so in this passage (BDAG, s.v. “χωρίζω”).
Paul’s Instructions for Husbands
For the husband, Paul gives the following instructions about divorce:
- “the husband should not divorce his wife” (1 Cor 7:11).
- “if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her” (1 Cor 7:12).
Paul gives the same instructions to husbands as he does to wives. A Christian husband should not divorce his wife. Further, a Christian man is not allowed to divorce his wife if she is an unbeliever and consents to live with him. Again, Paul does not give any exception clauses like Jesus does.
Paul’s Instruction for Wives and Husbands
Paul gives a number of instructions for wives and husbands. Note the following:
- “But if the unbelieving partner separates (χωρίζω), let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?” (1 Cor 7:15–16).
- “Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches” (1 Cor 7:17).
- “Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife” (1 Cor 7:27).
First, Paul states that if the unbelieving spouse wishes to divorce (χωρίζω means divorce here just as it did in 1 Cor 7:10), then the Christian spouse may allow it and still be at peace with God; the Christian has not sinned (1 Cor 7:15). It is important to note, however, that Paul nowhere says the Christian is allowed to initiate divorce. Initiation happens from the unbelieving spouse.
Second, Paul’s general rule is that a person should lead the life that God assigned him/her (1 Cor 7:17, 27, also see verse 24). In the context of marriage, Paul is saying that if you are married, you should remain married. If you are single, you should remain single (although Paul makes a concession for those who are single that they may marry if they desire; 1 Cor 7:28, 36).
Summary
According to Paul in 1 Corinthians 7, Christian husbands and wives are not allowed to divorce or seek a divorce if they have an unbelieving spouse. Rather, Christian husbands and wives must remain married to their spouse. The one exception Paul gives is if the unbelieving spouse desires and initiates divorce, then the Christian is free to divorce and it is not considered sin.
Concluding Remarks
What the New Testament Teaches about Divorce
Jesus and Paul are the only ones who give instructions on divorce in the New Testament. According to Jesus and Paul, God never intended married couples to divorce (Matt 19:3–8; Mark 10:6–9). Thus, Christian men and women are not allowed to divorce for any reason (Matt 19:3–8; Mark 10:6–9; 1 Cor 7:10–13, 17, 27). There are two exceptions, however. First, Jesus permits men to divorce their wives if their wives are guilty of sexual immorality (Matt 5:32; 19:9). It is possible that Jesus highlights men in Matthew 5:32 and 19:9 because they were usually the ones who initiated divorce.Thus, it is reasonable that Matthew 5:32 and 19:9 also apply to women, permitting them to divorce if their husbands are guilty of sexual immorality. Second, Paul permits Christian men and women to divorce if the unbeliever desires and initiates divorce (1 Cor 7:15–16).
What about Physical and Emotional Abuse?
A common argument against the New Testament teaching on divorce and for permitting divorce for reasons other than sexual immorality is that it is dangerous and unchristian to encourage a person to remain in an abusive marriage. My response is as follows. First, if you believe the above passages have authority over your life as a Christian, then you must take them seriously and obey them. I believe they do have authority over Christians because each passage is stating how disciples of Jesus who are members of the church, citizens of the kingdom of heaven/God, and under the New Covenant should act. As a disciple of Jesus, a member of the church, a citizen of the kingdom of heaven/God, and as one who is under the New Covenant, I am obligated to obey and not divorce my spouse with the only exception of sexual immorality (and even then, Scripture encourages us not to divorce).
Second, remaining married to someone does not necessitate a person continuing to put themselves in harm’s way. My advice for a person in an abusive marriage is to seek refuge somewhere safe. Seeking refuge somewhere safe is not divorce, however. The couple should continue to seek reconciliation and the abused return to his/her spouse when that person is repentant and trustworthy again. Reconciliation is always the goal, and reconciliation is always possible with Jesus. Thus, a person in an abusive marriage should seek refuge, help, and then restoration. However, a Christian is still not permitted to divorce for abuse. I know that this is extremely countercultural, especially in the #metoo age, but this is what Scripture teaches and it must be taken seriously by Christians.
A Plea to Christians, Pastors, and Churches
In addition to poor biblical teaching on marriage and divorce, I believe that two of the reasons the divorce rate is so high amongst Christians is (1) we in the West take a cavalier approach to marriage and (2) pastors, churches, parents, and friends are too scared to tell couples they should not get married. Christian men and women need to seriously consider if they can live the rest of their life with the person they want to marry. They need to seek counsel prior to marriage and look as objectively as possible at their potential future spouse.
For example, a person who looks at pornography prior to getting married is most likely not going to stop after marriage. A person who engages in sexual conduct prior to marriage, either with you or with someone else, most likely will cheat or divorce after marriage because they have proven they do not respect you or the institution of marriage (see 1 Thess 4:6). A person with anger issues prior to marriage is most likely not going to calm down and is more likely to be physically abusive. A person who is in debt prior to marriage is most likely not good at managing money and may cause financial struggles throughout the marriage. We need to look beyond our feelings and the attractiveness of our future spouse so that we can make wise choices about who we marry.
Finally, pastors, churches, parents, and friends need to step up and be honest with couples who are dating or plan to get married. If the couple is a good fit, tell them! But, if the couple is not a good fit, still tell them! I am guilty of keeping my mouth shut when friends of mine got engaged and I believed they should not marry. One of my friends had sex with another girl while engaged. I should have told his fiancée and urged her not to marry him, but I didn’t. I didn’t think it was my place. They divorced while she was pregnant with their second child because he was cheating on her. My other friend was engaged to a woman who had previously been divorced and had trust issues. Because of her divorce, they were not biblically allowed to get married (see my article on remarriage). Their pastor said nothing and I said nothing. They, too, are now divorced.
Not every marriage that seems wrong will fail and not every marriage that seems right will succeed. But too many in the church are guilty of not valuing the sanctity of marriage highly enough, which is why I think the divorce rate is as high as it is.[1] Let us all do our part in wiping out the scourge of divorce from the church.
Table Summarizing What Key Passages of the Bible Say about Divorce and Remarriage for Christians
| Bible Passage | What Passage Says about Divorce | What Passage Says about Remarriage |
| Matt 5:32 | A man who divorces his wife makes her commit adultery, unless she has been unchaste. | Any man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery. |
| Matt 19:7–8 | Divorce is not God’s intention. | N/A |
| Matt 19:9 | A man may divorce his wife if she has been unchaste. | A man who divorces his wife and remarries commits adultery, unless his first wife was unchaste. |
| Mark 10:10–12 | N/A | A man who divorces his wife and remarries commits adultery. A woman who divorces her husband and remarries commits adultery. |
| Luke 16:18 | N/A | A man who divorces his wife and remarries commits adultery. A man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery. |
| Romans 7:2–3 | N/A | A person may remarry if their spouse dies. A person who divorces and remarries commits adultery. |
| 1 Cor 7:10–11 | A Christian should never divorce | A divorced Christian is only allowed to remarry his/her original spouse. Otherwise, the divorced Christian should remain single. |
| 1 Cor 7:12–16 | A Christian may only divorce the non-Christian spouse if the non-Christian initiates the divorce. | N/A |
| 1 Cor 7:39 | N/A | A Christian may remarry if his/her spouse dies. |
| Ezra 9–10 | Not applicable to Christians | Not applicable to Christians |
[1] Barna research has shown that approximately 33% of Americans who have married have divorced at least once. Further, Barna concluded that “when evangelicals and non-evangelical born again Christians are combined into an aggregate class of born again adults, their divorce figure is statistically identical to that of non-born again adults: 32% versus 33%, respectively.” https://www.barna.com/research/new-marriage-and-divorce-statistics-released/