Family and Relationships – Page 2

I had the blessing of being discipled one-on-one by my church’s music minister shortly after becoming a Christian. A few months into my discipleship, he told me I had to stop dating non-Christian women because God does not permit Christians to marry non-Christians. I ranted. I raved. I argued. But he took me to the Bible. What he showed me in the Bible is still there today. Christians should not marry non-Christians. Rather, Christians should only marry someone who is “in the Lord” (1 Cor 7:39). The general biblical witness corroborates Paul’s admonition; the people of God must marry the people of God. A Christian Must Marry Someone “in the Lord” (1 Cor 7:39) There is only one place in the Bible where it tells Christians whether they should marry a Christian or not; that is 1 Corinthians 7:39: “A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.” 1 CORINTHIANS 7:39, emphasis added There are a few things to note about 1 Cor 7:39. First, 1 Corinthians 7 is addressing Christians and Christian relationships (marriage, divorce, remarriage, singleness, and sex). Thus, 1 Corinthians 7:39 is directly applicable to all Christians, both ancient and modern. Second, although Paul is giving directives to Christian women whose husbands have died (widows), his comment about marrying “only in the Lord” is the only time Paul mentions who a Christian person should marry. As such, it is likely that the command to marry “only in the Lord” is for all Christians who wish to marry, not just the widow. Paul applying a universal command to a specific situation. Thus, Paul’s comment “only in the Lord” is about Christian marriage in general. All Christian marriages must be “in the Lord.” Third, marrying “in the Lord” means marrying a Christian. The interpretation of “in the Lord” as referring to a Christian is confirmed by A Greek – English Lexicon of the New Testament and Other Early Christian Literature, 3rd edition, which says “γαμηθῆναι ἐν κυρίῳ marry in the Lord=marry a Christian 1 Cor 7:39” (BDAG, s.v. “ἐν,” emphasis original). The NET translation (a great translation in my opinion) also confirms that “in the Lord” refers to Christians: “A wife is bound as long as her husband is living. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes (only someone in the Lord)” (1 Cor 7:39, NET, emphasis added). The NET’s addition of “someone” emphasises that Paul is saying Christians must marry Christians. Only a Christian can be “in the Lord.” Those who have rejected Jesus are clearly not “in the Lord.” Thus, 1 Corinthians 7:39 affirms that Christians may only marry other Christians. The People of God Must Marry the People of God (General Biblical Witness) Although there is only one passage in the Bible that explicitly addresses whether or not Christians may marry non-Christians, there is a general biblical witness that the people of God should only marry the people of God. A Christian is a person who has repented of his/her sin, believes in Jesus (that he is God, died for our sins, and bodily rose from the dead), and as a result is a disciple of Jesus, under the New Covenant, a member of the church, and a citizen of the kingdom of God. Thus, the people of God who existed prior to Jesus’ death and resurrection are not considered Christians, even though they are the people of God. However, there is ample evidence that the people of God should only ever marry the people of God. Note the following examples. Isaac and Rebekah (Gen 24) Abraham sent his servant to find a wife for his son Isaac in Genesis 24. However, Abraham was clear that he was not to take a wife from among the Canaanites, but from among his own people: “And Abraham said to his servant, the oldest of his household, who had charge of all that he had, ‘Put your hand under my thigh, that I may make you swear by the LORD, the God of heaven and God of the earth, that you will not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell, but will go to my country and to my kindred, and take a wife for my son Isaac.’” GENESIS 24:2–4 The servant obeyed and found Rebekah, “who was born to Bethuel the son of Milcah, the wife of Nahor, Abraham’s brother” (Gen 24:15). Bethuel and Laban gave their consent for Rebekah to marry Isaac and she married him (24:50–67). Jacob and Rachel (Gen 28–29) Isaac, at Rebekah’s advice (Gen 27:46), sent his son Jacob to Rebekah’s family so that he could find a wife amongst their own people and not a Canaanite woman: “Then Isaac called Jacob and blessed him and directed him, “You must not take a wife from the Canaanite women. Arise, go to Paddan-aram to the house of Bethuel your mother’s father, and take as your wife from there one of the daughters of Laban your mother’s brother. God Almighty bless you and make you fruitful and multiply you, that you may become a company of peoples.” GENESIS 28:1–3 Jacob meets Rebekah’s brother, Laban, and marries his two daughters, Leah and Rachel (Gen 29:1–30). The People of Israel (Ex 34:10–16; Deut 7:1–5) In Exodus 19–24, the Israelites enter into a covenant with God to be his people: “Now therefore, if you will indeed obey my voice and keep my covenant, you shall be my treasured possession among all peoples, for all the earth is mine; and you shall be to me a kingdom of priests and a holy nation.” EXODUS 19:5–6 After entering into a covenant with God to be his people, God forbids his people to enter into marriage with the people from the surrounding nations because they will lead God’s people into idolatry: “Observe what I command you this day. Behold, I will drive out before you the Amorites, the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites. Take care, lest you make a covenant with the inhabitants of the land to which you go, lest it become a snare in your midst. You shall tear down their altars and break their pillars and cut down their Asherim (for you shall worship no other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God), lest you make a covenant with the inhabitants of the land, and when they whore after their gods and sacrifice to their gods and you are invited, you eat of his sacrifice, and you take of their daughters for your sons, and their daughters whore after their gods and make your sons whore after their gods.” EXODUS 34:11–16, emphasis added (also see Ex 23:32–33; Deut 7:1–5) God forbids his people to marry those who are not his people so that they do not stray from Him, so they do not worship the false gods of the surrounding nations. Solomon and His Wives (1 Kings 11:1–8) King Solomon disobeyed God’s commandment to not marry foreign women as expressed in Exodus 23:32–33 and Deuteronomy 7:1–5. Solomon married many foreign women who worshipped false gods. As a result, they led Solomon to commit idolatry: “Now King Solomon loved many foreign women, along with the daughter of Pharaoh: Moabite, Ammonite, Edomite, Sidonian, and Hittite women, from the nations concerning which the LORD had said to the people of Israel, “You shall not enter into marriage with them, neither shall they with you, for surely they will turn away your heart after their gods.” Solomon clung to these in love . . . . And his wives turned away his heart. For when Solomon was old his wives turned away his heart after other gods, and his heart was not wholly true to the LORD his God, as was the heart of David his father. For Solomon went after Ashtoreth the goddess of the Sidonians, and after Milcom the abomination of the Ammonites. So Solomon did what was evil in the sight of the LORD and did not wholly follow the LORD, as David his father had done. Then Solomon built a high place for Chemosh the abomination of Moab, and for Molech the abomination of the Ammonites, on the mountain east of Jerusalem. And so he did for all his foreign wives, who made offerings and sacrificed to their gods.” 1 KINGS 11:1–8 The primary reason for only marrying a person who is part of the people of God seems to be fidelity to Yahweh, the one true God (Yahweh is God’s personal name as revealed in Exodus 3:13–15). Those who marry people that are not part of the people of God will likely commit idolatry. The Returning Exiles (Ezra 9–10) 70 years after the tribes of Judah and Benjamin were exiled from their land by the Babylonians for idolatry and not obeying the Sinai Covenant law (2 Chron 36:11–21), they were allowed to return to Jerusalem and rebuild the temple (Ezra 1–6). However, the returning exiles (the remnant) continued in their faithlessness by marrying foreign women, women who were not part of the people of God: “After these things had been done, the officials approached me and said, ‘The people of Israel and the priests and the Levites have not separated themselves from the peoples of the lands with their abominations, from the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Perizzites, the Jebusites, the Ammonites, the Moabites, the Egyptians, and the Amorites. For they have taken some of their daughters to be wives for themselves and for their sons, so that the holy race has mixed itself with the peoples of the lands. And in this faithlessness the hand of the officials and chief men has been foremost.’” EZRA 9:1–2 After discerning the faithlessness of the remnant, Ezra leads the people to divorce their foreign wives in order to divert the wrath of God (Ezra 9:3–10:44). For more information on Ezra 9–10 and its relevance for modern Christians, see “Should Christians Divorce if They Remarried for Unbiblical Reasons?” Summary of the General Biblical Witness As has been demonstrated, the general witness of the Bible is that the people of God must only marry the people of God. The primary reason for marrying someone who is of the same faith as you is so that you will remain faithful to God. One’s spouse holds great sway over the other and it is not worth the risk of idolatry to marry someone who is not a Christian. I am reminded of Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 7:16: “For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?” What about the Command Not to Be Unequally Yoked? (2 Cor 6:14–15) Many churches, pastors, and Christians cite 2 Corinthians 6:14–15 as the best biblical evidence for not marrying a non-Christian: “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever?” 2 CORINTHIANS 6:14–15 Does 2 Corinthians 6:14–15 refer to marriage? Unfortunately, no, it does not. Throughout the letter Paul is commending himself as a true apostle of Jesus who cares for the Corinthians and combatting the false apostles, what he also calls “super-apostles,” who have come into the Corinthian church with a different Jesus, a different spirit, and a different gospel for the purpose of leading the Corinthians astray (2 Cor 11:1–15). The Corinthians have yoked themselves to these false apostles and are in danger of abandoning Jesus and the faith by following their false teachings. Thus, Paul’s command to “not be unequally yoked with unbelievers” is a command for the Corinthians and all Christians not to yoke themselves (attach themselves) to non-Christian leaders like the false apostles that are described throughout the letter. Confirmation that Paul’s command to “not be unequally yoked with unbelievers” refers to being yoked with non-Christian leaders and not marriage is the passage that immediately follows. Paul pleads for the Corinthians to “Make room in your hearts for us. We have wronged no one, we have corrupted no one, we have taken advantage of no one” (2 Cor 7:2). This plea suggests that the Corinthian Christians have pushed Paul out of the hearts and are now following a different person or persons. We learn explicitly in 2 Corinthians 11:1–15 that this is the case. Indeed, toward the end of the letter, Paul commands the Corinthians to examine themselves to see if they are still in the apostolic faith and have not been led astray by the “super-apostles”: “Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves” (2 Cor 13:5). 2 Corinthians 6:14–15 does not refer to marriage in any way. Rather, it is Paul telling Christians not to attach themselves to non-Christian leaders, pastors, or apostles. It is quite likely that the agrarian phrase “do not be unequally yoked with . . .” was a common expression in the first century that was applied to many different types of relationships and attachments. However, it is the context that gives the phrase meaning. Within the context of 2 Corinthians, the “unbelievers” are clearly unbelieving leaders/pastors/apostles. Marriage is not mentioned or hinted at within the surrounding context of 2 Corinthians 6:14–15 or anywhere within the letter. As such, 2 Corinthians 6:14–15 should never be used to tell Christians not to marry non-Christians. What about 1 Corinthians 7:12–17, which speaks about Christians being married to non-Christians? 1 Corinthians 7:12–14 speaks about Christians who are married to non-Christian spouses. Note Paul’s admonition: “To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.” 1 CORINTHIANS 7:12–14, emphasis added At first glance, it may seem that Paul is endorsing Christians marrying non-Christians. However, this is not the case. We must note that nowhere in 1 Corinthians 7 does Paul encourage Christians to marry non-Christians. Rather, Paul is responding to the reality that many Christians are married to non-Christians and wanting to know whether they should remain married to their Christian spouse or divorce that person. So how did all these Christians end up married to non-Christians if they are not allowed to marry non-Christians? It is most likely that Paul is addressing Christians who became Christians after they were already married. Because of Paul’s evangelistic work, he enters Corinth where there are no Christians and leads many to faith in Jesus. Many of those who believe in Jesus were already married before they believed in Jesus and Paul is now encouraging them to remain married to their non-Christian spouse unless the non-Christian desires a divorce. Thus, Paul does not advocate Christians marrying non-Christians in 1 Corinthians 7:12–17. Rather, he is addressing the situation of those who became Christians by believing in Jesus after they were married. Paul’s advice is to remain married. Summary The biblical witness is clear. Christians should not marry non-Christians. The apostle Paul tells the Christians at Corinth that they should only marry someone who is “in the Lord,” that is, who is a Christian (1 Cor 7:39). The general biblical witness corroborates Paul’s admonition. Throughout the Old Testament, the people of God are forbidden from marrying non-people of God because they will most likely be led into idolatry (Ex 34:10–16; Deut 7:1–5; Ezra 9–10). Finally, Paul’s command to “not be unequally yoked with unbelievers” is not about marriage, but about yoking oneself to non-Christian leaders (2 Cor 6:14–15), while Paul’s instructions to Christians who are married to non-Christians is to those who came to faith in Jesus after they were already married. The key passages discussed in answering whether or not Christians should marry non-Christians can easily be summarized in the following table. Bible PassageMessageShould Christians Marry Non-Christians?1 Cor 7:39Only marry someone who is “in the Lord”NoGen 24, 28–29; Ex 34:10–16; Deut 7:1–5; 1 Kings 11:1–8; Ezra 9–10Only marry someone who is part of the people of GodNo2 Cor 6:14–15Do not yoke (attach) yourself to a non-Christian leaderNot applicable1 Cor 7:12–17Those who believed in Jesus aftermarriage should not divorce the non-Christian spouse Not applicable* Passages stating whether or not Christians may marry non-Christians