Throughout the West, people enter into marriage for various reasons. Some marry because the other person makes them feel good or they feel “in love.” Some marry because the other person is attractive. Some marry because they don’t want to be alone. Some marry because they believe it will raise their social status. Some marry because they want children. People marry for various reasons, but what are the biblical reasons a Christian should enter into marriage?
Christians should enter into marriage in order to have sex, to have children, to fulfil God’s fourfold mandate to humanity, to spread the gospel, and out of a deep affection for the other person.
Let’s look at each of these reasons for marriage in a little more depth.
1. Christians Should Marry to Have Sex
Let’s begin with possibly the most controversial biblical reason to marry; you want to have sex. The apostle Paul makes two comments to the effect of “if you want to have sex, get married!” The first is found in 1 Corinthians 7:2–5:
The apostle Paul is clear that in order to avoid sexual immorality, a person should marry (1 Cor 7:2). Verses 3–5 make it clear that Paul is referring to sex when he tells husbands and wives that they should not withhold the other’s “conjugal rights,” that is, sexual intercourse (7:3–5). Thus, Paul is clear that in order to avoid committing the grave sin of sexual immorality (see my article entitled “What Is Sexual Immorality according to the Bible?”), a person should marry and have sex with his/her spouse only.
Paul’s second comment about getting married in order to have sex is also found in 1 Corinthians 7. There are two related passages:
“To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion”
1 CORINTHIANS 7:8–9
“If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin”
1 CORINTHIANS 7:36
In the above quote, Paul is clear that if a person cannot exercise self-control in the area of sexual conduct and if his/her “passions” (sexual desires) are strong, then that person should marry.
1 Corinthians 7 is quite clear that a strong sexual desire and/or a lack of sexual self-control are legitimate reasons to marry so that the person avoids the sin of sexual immorality. Sexual conduct is only sanctioned by God within marriage between one man and one woman. Thus, the desire for sex is a legitimate reason to marry.
2. Christians Should Marry to Have Children
Many individuals, both men and women, desire to have children. This is a healthy and biblical desire because it is an aspect of God’s mandate upon humanity: “And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth” (Gen 1:28). Further, God created woman and instituted marriage so that children could be created and people would fill the earth (Gen 2:18–24; see my article on the purpose of marriage). Since (1) sex is only sanctioned in a marriage between one man and one woman (see 1 Cor 7:1–5 and my article on sexual immorality), (2) children come from sex, and (3) one purpose for marriage is having children (Gen 2:18–24), it is a biblically acceptable reason to marry for the purpose of having children in order to fulfill God’s mandate for humankind.
3. Christians Should Marry to Fulfill God’s Mandate to Humanity
In Genesis 2:18–24, God created woman to be a “helper/companion/help meet” (עֵזֶר) for the man (Gen 2:18). As an עֵזֶר, the woman assists the man in fulfilling God’s mandate given to humankind in Genesis 1:28 and the man also helps the woman fulfill God’s mandate to humankind. The mandate in Genesis 1:28 is fourfold: (1) have children, (2) fill the earth, (3) subdue the earth, and (4) rule over the animals (see my article on the purpose of marriage for an elaboration and explanation of Genesis 1:28). This mandate is best fulfilled while married. Marriage helps both men and women fulfill God’s mandate for humanity. As such, desiring to fulfill God’s mandate to humanity as best as possible is a right and noble reason to enter marriage.
4. Christians Should Marry to Spread the Gospel
Many Christian men and women desire to spread the gospel, to share the good news about Jesus. Unfortunately, too many Christians in the West don’t know how to tell their non-Christian family, friends, acquaintances, or strangers about Jesus. Marriage, however, is one way to image Jesus and the church, the gospel, according to Ephesians 5:22–33 (see my article on the purpose of marriage). Thus, marriage is a wonderful way to share and spread the gospel. For anyone desiring to advance the kingdom of God, marriage should be seriously considered and is a valid reason to enter marriage.
5. Christians Should Marry out of Affection for the Other Person
The final reason to marry is out of a deep affection for the other person. This is seen most clearly from The Song of Songs where the man and the woman exhibit a deep affection for the other person. I hesitate to use the word “love” because its meaning is distorted in the West today. Love as is commonly used in the West is selfish and does not seek the other’s interests or benefit. For example, in the West if you love someone then you will allow them to self-harm without even telling them that it is self-harm because it is “loving” to not only allow a person to do what he/she desires without any challenge or pushback, but to assist that person in the harmful activity. This is not the biblical love.
Biblical love is active. It actively seeks the interests and benefits of the other person (see Philippians 2:1–11 where Jesus is the ultimate example). Biblical love is the result of affection. If a person has a deep affection for a person of the opposite sex, then he/she should desire and actively seek to meet the interests of the other person for his/her benefit. When two people share this deep affection for one another and are seeking to meet the other’s interests and needs, they should get married.
Summary
According to the Bible, there are five reasons a person should marry. First, a person should marry if he/she has a strong sexual desire and/or a lack of sexual self-control (1 Cor 7:1–9, 36). Second, a person should marry if he/she desires to have children (Gen 1:28; 2:18–24). Third, a person should marry in order to better fulfill God’s fourfold mandate to humanity (Gen 1:28; 2:18–24). Fourth, a person should marry if he/she desires to spread the gospel (Eph 5:22–33). Finally, a person should marry if he/she has a deep affection for the other person and desires to spend the rest of his/her life meeting the other person’s interests and needs for that person’s benefit (Song of Solomon; Phil 2:1–11).