Most Christians desire to get married. Marriage is certainly a godly desire that many Christians should pursue (see my article “Five Reasons Christians Should Marry”). But how does a Christian go about pursuing a spouse in a biblical, God-honouring, and other-person honouring way? Western culture says dating is the answer. But what does the Bible say?
Christians are allowed to date. The Bible does not prescribe a proper method for finding or pursuing a spouse. The biblical evidence suggests one may follow cultural norms. However, Christians must date with the goal of getting married and should not date if they are not willing to get married now.
The place to begin answering the question as to how Christians should go about finding a spouse is the Bible.
Finding and Pursuing a Spouse according to the Bible
Finding and pursuing a spouse is not a central topic in the Bible. The Bible rarely addresses the topic explicitly. Rather, the Bible usually narrates how key historical figures in the Bible found and pursued their spouses. Let’s take a look at what the Bible says and then we’ll derive meaning from it.
Biblical Commands that Hint at Finding and/or Pursuing a Spouse
The following table lists all the commands that include how a person may find or pursue a spouse. Be sure to read the context of each passage.
| Passage | How to Find and Pursue a Spouse | Context |
|---|---|---|
| Exodus 21:4 | A slave master could purchase a slave girl to be his slave’s wife. | This passage speaks toward preserving marriages between slaves. The Lord declares that Hebrews who become slaves will go free after seven years of service. However, if he enters slavery while single, he must leave single, even if his master purchased a wife for him. The passage shows God’s grace in that the slave may choose to remain a slave to stay with his wife and children (Ex 21:1–6). |
| Exodus 21:7–11 | A man could purchase a woman as a slave (ַַאמה) for the purpose of marrying her (or giving her in marriage to his son) when she becomes of age. | This passage speaks about the rights for women/girls who are purchased as a slave for the purpose of marriage. The master must treat her well regardless of whether he actually marries her (see Ex 21:7–11 for specifics). |
| Exodus 22:16 and Deuteronomy 22:28–29 | A man who has sex with a woman is obligated to marry her and pay the bride price. Note that Deuteronomy 22:28–29 does not indicate rape, contra the NIV translation. | This passage speaks toward the rights of a non-married woman who has sex prior to marriage. Because she will most likely not be marriageable due to having sex before marriage, the man is obligated to marry her since he took her virginity. This is a protection for the woman so that she is not left destitute or killed (note the severity of being found not a virgin on the wedding night in Deut 22:13–21). |
| Deuteronomy 21:10–14 | Men who go to war and take captives may marry a female captive | This passage speaks toward the rights of the female captives who are taken for marriage. The captor must treat her right, including allowing her to grieve the death of her parents. Further, the captor is not allowed to treat her as a slave. If the captor does not delight in her anymore, he must let her go free; he cannot sell her. |
| Deuteronomy 25:5–10 | A widow whose deceased husband has at least one brother, must marry that brother (levirate marriage). | This passage speaks toward the welfare of the widow whose husband dies and has no sons. If a woman has no husband and no sons, then she will most likely become destitute. To avoid this, Deut 25:5–10 mandates that a brother or kinsman marry her, give her a son, and raise the son as the child of the deceased man. This way, the widow is always taken care of; first by the brother and then by the son when he comes of age. |
All of the above ways of finding and pursuing a spouse are quite foreign to modern readers. Slavery is not a part of Western culture anymore, so it is not possible for men to simply purchase a slave-girl and marry her. Modern warfare has changed in the West and we don’t take captives as slaves and, thus, can’t marry any of the captives. Levirate marriage isn’t practiced in the West, in part because widows are not destitute like they would have been in Old Testament times. Finally, sexual ethics are almost non-existent in the West anymore with many men and women fornicating prior to marriage, including Christians. It is socially acceptable in the West and for Christianity in the West to marry someone who is not a virgin. Indeed, it is common to speak about one’s ‘body count’ (number people slept with). As such, there is no obligation upon a man to marry the woman whose virginity he has unlawfully taken.
What do we make of the above passages in light of the foreignness of the ways to find and pursue a spouse? First, we must note that none of the above passages is about finding or pursuing a spouse. Rather, each passage is about protecting the rights and seeking the good of disadvantaged people, such as slaves or women who have been taken advantage of.
Second, because the topic of each of the above passages is not about finding or pursuing a spouse, there are no commands or principles given for how a person should go about finding or pursuing a spouse; thus, these passages cannot be used in determining a biblical method for finding or pursuing a spouse.
Third, the above passages take the ways of finding or pursuing a spouse for granted (i.e., the method is assumed). What this means is that the text treats as normal the fact that a man can purchase a female slave to be his wife, the wife of his son, or the wife of his male slave. The text treats as normal the fact that females who become captives in war can be forced into marriage by the captor.
Fourth, the above passages are not applicable to Christians because they are commands for those under the Sinai/Mosaic Covenant, whereas Christians are under the New Covenant. Thus, even if the above passages were commenting on how to go about finding or pursuing a spouse, they would not be applicable to Christians.
Fifth, we see God’s love for the disadvantaged in marriageable relationships. God ensures that no one is taken advantage of. Because Christians are to exhibit the character of God, Christians must always seek the good and the welfare of the person from the opposite sex above our own, and not take advantage of them (see Phil 2:3–11 and 1 Thess 4:1–8 for two NT passages that state this concept).
Biblical Narratives that Comment on Finding and/or Pursuing a Spouse
A much larger body of material related to the finding and pursuing of a spouse is the narrative literature in the Bible. Many narratives comment on how biblical characters found and/or pursued a spouse. Scripture does not approve every method, but narrates the historical reality of what happened.
In the below table I list how the narratives state a spouse was found or pursued. I do not include concubines because a concubine did not have the status of wife. I also do not include accounts where there is no information, such as Esau taking an Ishmaelite woman for a wife (Gen 28:6–9). Finally, I include the bride price if stated because I find it fascinating and I think you will too!
| Person (Passage) | How Spouse was found/pursued | Scripture Approval | Bride Price |
|---|---|---|---|
| Adam and Eve(Gen 2:18–25) | God created Eve for Adam from his rib. | Yes | None |
| Pharaoh and Sarai(Gen 12:10–16) | Pharaoh brought Sarai to his house. | No (Sarai was married to Abram, even though Sarai told Pharaoh she was Abram’s sister) | Many sheep, oxen, male donkeys, male servants, female servants, female donkeys, and camels given to Abram. |
| Abimelech (King of Gerar) and Sarah(Gen 20:1–7) | Abimelech brought Sarah to himself. Abimelech did notengage in sexual conduct with Sarah. | No (Sarah was married to Abraham, even though she told Abimelech she was Abraham’s sister) | None stated. |
| Isaac and Rebekah(Gen 24:1–67) | Isaac’s father, Abraham, sent a servant to find a wife for Isaac. He found Rebekah. Rebekah had a choice; she could say “no” (Gen 24:5, 8, 39–41, 49, 57–58) | Yes | Garments and jewellery of silver and gold given to Rebekah. |
| Jacob and Rachel(Gen 29:1–30) | Jacob’s father, Isaac, sends Jacob to Laban’s house in Paddan-aram to find a wife amongst Laban’s daughters. Jacob rolled the stone from the well’s mouth and watered Rachel’s sheep. | Yes | Seven years’ service to Rachel’s father, Laban. |
| Jacob and Leah (Gen 29:21–30) | Leah’s father, Laban, tricked Jacob into marrying Leah on the day he was supposed to marry Rachel by dressing Leah up as Rachel. | Not Stated | Another seven years’ service to Leah’s father, Laban. |
| Shechem (the son of Hamor) and Dinah the daughter of Jacob & Leah (Gen 34:1–31) | Shechem raped Dinah (34:2) and asked his father to get her for him as his wife. Jacob agreed to the marriage. | No | Every male must be circumcised. Simeon and Levi used this to kill Shechem and all the men of the city while they were recovering. |
| Tamar and her husbands Er and Onan (Gen 38:6–11) | It is unclear how Tamar came about marrying Er other than Judah got her as a wife for Tamar (38:6). God killed Er, so Judah gave his second son, Onan, to Tamar as a husband so that she would not be left destitute (levirate marriage). Thus, Onan was obligated to marry Tamar. | Yes | None |
| Joseph and Asenath (Gen 41:45) | Pharaoh, king of Egypt, found and brought a wife for Joseph (41:45). | Yes | None stated. |
| Moses and Zipporah (Ex 2:15–22) | Moses fled Egypt to Midian, where he defended Reuel’s (also called Jethro) seven daughters from the shepherds and helped them water their flock. For this, Reuel gave his daughter Zipporah to Moses in marriage. | Yes | None Stated. |
| The Daughters of Zelophehad (Num 36:1–12) | Zelophehad had no male heirs. As such, his daughters were allowed to marry whomever they desires as long as the men were within the clan of the tribe of their father so that the inheritance from the Lord would not go to another tribe. Zelophehad’s daughters agreed and did this. | Yes | None Stated. |
| Othniel and Achsah (Judg 1:11–13) | Caleb awarded his daughter Achsah as wife to the man who captures Debir. Othniel, Caleb’s nephew, captured it and was given Achsah. | Yes | Capturing the city of Debir. |
| Samson and his Philistine Wife (Judg 14:1–11) | Samson begged his father to get a certain (unnamed) Philistine woman for him as wife, which his father did. Because Samson’s wife displeased him, she was given to his best friend as a wife (14:15–20). | No (Israelites were not to marry Philistines) | None Stated. |
| 600 Benjaminites and Their Wives (Judg 21:1–24) | After the tribe of Benjamin committed a heinous act (Judg 19), Israel went to war and killed most of them, so that only 600 men remained alive (Judg 20). When Israel realized that the tribe of Benjamin was about to be wiped out and they had sworn not to give any of their daughters to them in marriage, they pillaged a town and took 400 virgins for the men of Benjamin to marry (21:1–12). Then they kidnapped 200 more women and forced them to marry the remaining men (21:13–24). | No | None |
| Ruth and Boaz (Book of Ruth) | Ruth pursues Boaz as her husband because he is her kinsman redeemer (3:1–18). She works for him and then approaches him at night, uncovering his feet and lying with him (not sex). Boaz agrees to marry her and does so (4:1–17). Ruth pursues Boaz in socially acceptable ways. | Yes | None |
| David and Michal (1 Sam 18:17–29) | King Saul’s daughter, Michal (not Michael), loved David. So, Saul offered her to David if he could pay the bride price. | Yes | 100 Philistine foreskins (18:21–26). David paid with 200 foreskins (18:27–29). |
| David and Abigail (1 Sam 25:1–42) | David sought aid from Nabal, but was refused and insulted. Nabal’s wife, however, quelled David’s anger and convinced him not to attack. Ten days later, God killed Nabal and David married his widow, Abigail. Abigail willingly married David. | Yes | None Stated. |
| David and Bathsheba (2 Sam 11:1–27) | David fancied Bathsheba, so he summoned her to his palace, had sex with her, impregnated her, killed her husband, then married her after her time of mourning. | No | None Stated |
| Solomon and Pharaoh’s daughter (1 Kings 3:1) | Solomon married Pharaoh’s daughter to form an alliance between Israel and Egypt. The pursuit would have been with Pharaoh who gave his daughter in marriage. | No (Israelites were not to marry Egyptians or any non-Israelite) | None Stated. |
| King Ahasuerus and Esther (Esther 2) | King Ahasuerus gathered all the beautiful women to compete in a beauty pageant. It seems like Esther did not have a choice in whether or not she was taken, as the niphal of “to take” (לקח) suggests (2:8). However, Esther did not sabotage herself, but willingly participated (2:12–18). | Yes | None |
| Hosea and Gomer (Hos 1:2–3; 3:1–3) | Hosea was told by God he was to marry a prostitute, so he chose Gomer (1:2–3). How he pursued Gomer the first time is not said. Once Gomer leaves Hosea and returns to prostitution, he then purchases her with money to remain his wife (3:1–3). | Yes (Hosea’s marriage was prophetic) | However much money necessary to free Gomer and take her back. |
| The Couple in Song of Songs (Song 1–8) | The song of songs is an extremely difficult book to interpret, in part because of the many figures of speech employed throughout the book. What seems clear enough is that it is about a couple in love, both the man and the woman willingly and actively pursue each other (see 3:1–4; 5:–2). | Yes | None Stated. |
Before I summarize what the above narratives tell us about finding and pursuing a spouse, it must first be remembered that none of the above passages are instructions on how to find or pursue a spouse. Thus, these narratives are not giving the reader a ‘biblical method’ for finding and pursuing a spouse.
We can summarize what the above narratives tell us about finding and pursuing a spouse as follows:
- God is sometimes overtly involved (Adam/Eve, Hosea/Gomer), sometimes working behind the scenes (Isaac/Rebekah), and other times we don’t hear of God’s involvement at all.
- Frequently the males in the family (father and brothers) had to give permission for the woman to marry. At the very least, the family was usually involved in the pursuit.
- A father had the authority to offer his daughter in marriage (arranged marriage); the daughter may or may not have been able to say ‘no.’
- Women often had a choice and could say ‘no’ to a marriage if they wanted (such as Rebekah).
- Not all men had a choice in whom they married, such as Isaac, whose father’s servant found a wife for him, or Onan who had to fulfill the duties of a brother in levirate marriage.
- Sometimes the man pursued the woman and at other times the woman pursued the man.
- Frequently, the man proved his worth to the woman by showing he could support her and protect her (the kings, Isaac through his servant’s bride price, Jacob, Moses, Othniel, Boaz, David, and Hosea).
- Men are not allowed to engage in sexual conduct prior to marriage. Abimelech is a positive example, while Shechem is a negative example.
- Kings could do what they wanted. The story of Esther suggests that kings could marry whomever they wanted, regardless of the woman’s will (although the woman could certainly sabotage herself if she wanted).
Based on the above, we can conclude that although there are some hard and fast rules, such as not engaging in sexual activity prior to marriage (or committing adultery, such as in Gomer’s case), there does not seem to be one set way of finding or pursuing a spouse.
Finding and Pursuing a Spouse in the New Testament
As you may have noticed, there is an odd omission in the above two tables. The New Testament does not say anything about finding and pursuing a spouse. It certainly has a lot to say about marriage and the roles of husbands and wives (see my article on the purpose of marriage and my articles on choosing a Christian husband and a Christian wife), but not finding a spouse. Why is this? The answer is the same reason that the Old Testament does not tell its readers how to find a spouse—it is not a topic with which the Bible is concerned.
The New Testament is concerned with explaining the significance of Jesus and how to live one’s life in light of Jesus. Thus, the New Testament is more concerned with singles, husbands, and wives living holy lives in light of Jesus. In other words, the New Testament isn’t concerned with how one goes about finding a spouse (the method), only that when a Christian is single and pursuing a spouse, the single Christian lives a holy life, and once marriage is entered into, the Christian lives a holy life by acting appropriately toward his/her spouse.
Summary of What the Bible Says about Finding and Pursuing a Spouse
The Bible does not give instructions or present a method for finding and pursuing a spouse. Further, there is not one way to find or pursue a spouse. The various ways narrated and described in the Bible are:
- Purchase a slave-girl to marry
- Marry a war captive
- Send a servant or slave to find a spouse
- Ask the father of the lady or males of the family for permission
- If a king, choose any woman you desire and marry her
- Levirate marrage
- Simply pursue the one you desire (this goes for both men and women)
Based on the variety of ways a person can pursue a spouse found in the Bible and based on the lack of explicit instructions on the issue, it seems that finding and pursuing a spouse is dictated by culture.
The Bible does, however, present two hard and fast rules when pursuing a spouse: (1) there is to be no sexual conduct prior to marriage (for a summary as to what the Bible considers sexual immorality, see my post here), and (2) one must never take advantage of the person of the opposite sex, always treating the person appropriately with proper respect.
With the above biblical analysis of finding and pursuing a spouse complete, we now need to turn our attention to answering the question of how modern Western Christians should go about finding and pursuing a spouse.
What is Dating according to Modern Western Culture?
Mechanically, dating in modern Western culture is quite simple. A person who fancies another person, asks that person out on a date. They then go to dinner, a movie, a concert, a coffee, or whatever the two believe they will enjoy. As long as the two are in agreement, they continue to spend time with each other on a regular basis.
There seems to be two stages to modern dating. The first stage of dating is the ‘getting to know you’ stage. This stage is where the couple spends time determining whether or not they like each other enough to enter into a semi-committed relationship (stage two). In this first stage, there is no commitment between the couple, they are technically free to go on dates with others because they are still ‘feeling each other out,’ however, many choose not to go on dates with others in this stage.
The second stage of dating is the ‘semi-commitment’ stage of dating. Couples enter this stage when they determine they both like each other. They enter into a semi-committed, non-binding, exclusive relationship where they do not go on dates with anyone else. The reason I say the couple enters into a ‘semi-committed’ relationship is because marriage is the only committed relationship (see my article on what marriage is).
What is most vague in modern Western dating are the goals and intentions of dating. These seem to be dictated by the individual and unfortunately are difficult to separate between Christians and non-Christians. For example, some date with the goal of marriage, some with the goal of sex, some with the goal of not being alone, some because they want marriage without the commitment, and some date simply because it is expected (there is enormous pressure to be in a relationship). Part of the difficulty in determining goals and intentions of modern Western dating is the length of many of these relationships. Some people date for 2 years, 5 years, even 10 years!
Should Christians Date? How to Find a Spouse
Now that we have looked at what the Bible says about finding and pursuing a spouse and how Western culture goes about pursuing a spouse, we need to determine if dating is a God honouring way for modern Western Christians to pursue a spouse.
Cultural Methods of Pursuing a Spouse are Acceptable for Christians
We determined above that the Bible does not present a model, method, or correct way to find and pursue a spouse. Rather, the Bible suggests that pursuing a spouse is cultural. If the method for pursuing a spouse is cultural, then Christians may go on dates. In other words, the mechanics of dating are acceptable and may be used by Christians. Thus, a man may ask a woman out on a date with him. A woman may ask a man out on a date with her. We saw the mutual pursuit by a man and woman in the Song of Songs, showing that both the man and the woman may pursue each other.
Although the method of modern Western dating is acceptable for modern Christians, they may not break biblical commands. Thus, sexual conduct is strictly forbidden while dating because it is reserved for marriage. Further, no one is allowed to take advantage of the other person in any way while dating (we’ll discuss this further below).
The Goal of Dating
Now that we have determined the method/mechanics of dating are acceptable by Christians, we need to determine the goal of dating for Christians. Although there are many different ways of finding and pursuing a spouse in the Bible, each way has the same goal—marriage. This should be self-evident because the topic of our search was finding and pursuing a spouse. Regardless, the obvious needs to be stated: although the methods may change, the goal of finding and pursuing a spouse is marriage. Thus, the goal of dating should be to find and pursue a spouse. This is the only goal for dating. The mechanics of Western dating are for the purpose of finding a spouse.
The Intentions of Dating
Now that the goal of dating has been determined, we need to determine the intentions of dating for the Christian. Based off the goal of dating, which is to find a spouse, the intentions behind dating are twofold. The first intention of dating is to determine whether the other person is marriageable or not. The Christian goes on dates with the intention of determining whether the other person meets the biblical criteria for a husband/wife (for those criteria, see my articles on choosing a wife and choosing a husband).
The second intention of dating is to prove to the other person that you are marriageable and meet the biblical criteria for a husband/wife. This is a common trait we saw in our analysis of the biblical narratives involving the pursuit of a spouse. Frequently, the men would show that they could support and protect the woman they were pursuing. They did this in a number of different ways, such as with a lavish bride price, helping them, or completing efforts of valour (capturing a city or killing many enemies). Men had to prove themselves worthy of marrying the women they chose. Frequently, they had to prove it to the woman’s father and brothers who were her providers and proctors.
Stage One of Dating is Acceptable for Christians
Based on the purpose and the intentions of marriage, stage one of dating is acceptable for Christians. Asking a prospective spouse to go to dinner, a picnic, a coffee, an outing with friends or family, etc. (i.e., the mechanics of dating) for the purpose of determining whether or not they are marriageable material and to prove that you are marriageable is acceptable.
There are a few caveats to stage-one dating for Christians, however. First, both couples must enter the first date with the same goal and intentions—finding a spouse for marriage. Because marriage is not the goal of dating for many in the West, the goal and intentions of dating must be made explicit to the other person, so both are seeking the same end goal from the very beginning. If your intentions are not made clear from the beginning, then you are potentially taking advantage of the other person.
Second, both couples must enter the first date ready for marriage NOW. Many Christians date when they are not ready or willing to get married at the present. For example, kids and teenagers in primary school, middle school, and high school should not date because they are not ready, willing, or allowed to marry at the present. Another example would be adults who claim they don’t want to marry until they finish their higher education or until they are more financially stable. These also should not date because they are not ready or willing to marry now.
I know lots of dating Christian couples who fall into this latter category. There is simply no honourable goal or intention in dating if it is not for marriage. If you are not willing to marry now, then you are not marriageable material. You are unable to prove to the other person that you are marriageable and meet the biblical criteria for a husband or wife. Further, you are most likely leading the other person on; leading them to believe you will one day marry them, which might not come to fruition (a lot can happen in a few years). Leading someone on is taking advantage of them, is not honourable, and is a sin.
Further, dating with no marriage in sight leads to sexual temptation. The longer you are dating someone, the stronger the desire to engage in sexual conduct. If marriage is not in sight, the chances of succumbing to that temptation are greatly increased.
Third, the family of the man and the woman should be included in the marriage decision. Another trend seen throughout the biblical narratives that include finding a spouse is that the families were often sought for permission and blessing. Although not mandated in Scripture (and I will not mandate it here), it is certainly wise for the dating couple to meet the family of the prospective spouse right away (contrary to cultural trends which say wait a while). Ideally, the family should get to know the prospective spouse in order to help determine whether or not their child or sibling should marry the prospect. A man’s parents will have a better idea about whether or not their son’s prospective wife meets the biblical criteria and is a good match for their son. Likewise, the woman’s parents will have a better idea about whether or not their daughter’s prospective husband is able to provide and protect their daughter. If the parents are against the marriage, then the marriage should most likely not proceed. If at all possible, one’s family should have a say in the marriage.
Fourth, dating should end when the couple and family determine they are both marriageable or not marriageable. The dating relationship ends when the couple and/or family determines that the couple is or is not marriageable. If the couple is marriageable (both ready to marry and meet all criteria), then the couple gets engaged immediately and marries as soon as possible (none of this ridiculous 2–10 year engagements!). Or, the couple realizes they should not marry and they stop dating. What this means is that the dating phase should be relatively short. It does not take a person and a family long to determine if a person is marriageable or not.
A close friend of mine married his wife four months after meeting her for the first time. I proposed to my wife eight months after our first date and we were married 16 months after our first date. However, I knew after our first date that she was marriageable and I wanted to marry her, in part because we went to the same church and I already knew her. The only reason I waited eight months to propose was because I was afraid of scaring her off with such a short proposal.
Stage Two of Dating is NOT Acceptable for Christians
Stage two of dating is when a couple determine they both like each other and enter into a semi-committed relationship. This is not biblical and I don’t see how it honours God. If a couple determines that they like each other and are compatible, then they should get engaged and marry as soon as possible. Remember, the goal of dating is marriage and the intention of dating is to determine if the other person is a suitable spouse. This is all done in stage one of dating. If the goal of dating is marriage, then marriage should be the next stage, not a semi-committed relationship. Thus, there is no point to stage two of dating.
Couples usually enter into a semi-committed relationship (stage-two dating) because one of the people in the dating relationship is not ready or willing to get married. If this is the case, then the dating relationship should end because the couple has determined one of the people is not marriageable (not being willing to marry means one person is not marriageable). Further, it is not honouring to the other person and it takes advantage of the other person to lead them on with the promise of a possible marriage (which isn’t a promise at all). Finally, many couples in stage-two dating commit sexual immorality because the temptation is so great (click here to see what conduct is considered sexual immorality). If you are not ready to marry now, then you should not be dating.
Summary and Concluding Thoughts
The Bible does not prescribe a proper method for finding or pursuing a spouse. The biblical evidence suggests one may follow cultural norms. For Christians living in the West, dating is the cultural norm. Thus, Christians are allowed to date. However, Christians must date with the goal of getting married and with the intentions of determining both people are marriageable and proving they are marriageable. Once the couple has determined they are marriageable or not, they should either get engaged immediately or cease dating immediately. Thus, the dating phase should be short. If a person is not ready to marry now for whatever reason (too young, still studying, not financially secure, etc.), then that person should not date because that person is not marriageable and is not seeking the goal of marriage.
Personally, I know many Christians who have dated for a short time with short engagements and are in strong marriages. This greatly encourages me. However, I also know of too many Christians in a stage-two dating relationship and it grieves me. Many of these have no concrete plans for marriage, which causes me to question the purpose, goal, and intentions of the relationship. These relationships grieve me.
Churches and pastors need to teach on this topic. Many young Christians desire to pursue a spouse in a God-honouring and other-person-honouring way, but do not know how. So, they result to culture to tell them how. The church should never leave its people seeking Western culture for answers to biblical questions. Western culture says, “try before you buy,” which has led many Christians down the road of pretending to be married before actually getting married, which is completely unbiblical. Rather, let’s encourage God’s people to pursue a spouse in a way that honours the Lord and honours the other person.